When you separate, few things cause more friction than new partners and who your children spend time with. Parents often ask whether an ex can control who is around the child, veto a new boyfriend or girlfriend, or insist on meeting them first. In most cases the answer is no, your ex cannot simply dictate who is around your child when the child is in your care, but there are important exceptions where a genuine risk to the child changes everything.
This guide explains where you stand in England and Wales, and what to do if you are worried about the person your ex is introducing to your child.
In short: Neither parent can normally control who the other has around the child during their own parenting time. You are generally free to introduce your child to a new partner, and your ex cannot demand to vet or approve them, unless there is a genuine welfare concern. If there is a real risk of harm, the issue stops being about preference and becomes a safeguarding matter the court can act on, because the child’s welfare comes first.
Quick answer: can your ex control who is around your child?
No, not as a matter of preference. When your child is in your care, day-to-day decisions, including who is present, are generally yours to make. Both parents with parental responsibility share the big decisions (such as schooling, medical treatment and where the child lives), but routine choices during your own time are not something your ex can dictate. That changes only where there is a genuine risk to the child’s safety or wellbeing.
Can my ex stop me introducing my child to my new partner?
Usually not. There is no rule that says you must seek your ex’s permission before introducing your child to a new partner, and your ex has no automatic veto. Many separated parents find it easier to communicate about timing as a courtesy, but a courtesy is not a legal requirement.
The exception, again, is risk. If your ex genuinely believes the new partner poses a danger to the child, they can raise it and ultimately ask the court to intervene. Disliking your new partner, or being upset by the relationship, is not enough.
Can my ex demand to meet my new partner first?
Your ex can ask, but they cannot compel it. There is no legal right to interview, approve or set conditions on a new partner before they meet the child. Agreeing to a low-key introduction can reduce conflict and reassure your co-parent, but you are not obliged to arrange it.
If your ex tries to withhold contact until they have met your partner, that is generally not a position the court would support unless there is a welfare reason behind it.
Caught in a dispute over a new partner and contact? Speak to a family law specialist for a free 30-minute initial consultation: call 0800 321 3832 or request a free call back.
Do I have a right to know who my ex has around my child?
You do not have an automatic right to a full list of everyone your ex spends time with, but you are entitled to know that your child is safe and properly cared for. If your child is being left with people you know nothing about, or you have specific concerns, you can raise it directly, through a solicitor, or through mediation.
Where there is a genuine safeguarding worry rather than general curiosity, the court can consider it. In practice, open co-parenting communication about significant new people in the child’s life avoids most of these disputes.
Can my ex leave my child overnight with their new partner?
Generally, yes, during your ex’s parenting time they can decide who cares for the child, including a new partner, and overnight stays are not something you can veto on preference alone. As with everything here, the line is risk: if you have a real, evidenced concern about that person caring for your child, you can act on it through the routes below. A vague dislike of the arrangement will not, by itself, change it.
What if I am genuinely worried about my ex’s new partner?
This is where preference ends and protection begins. If you have a real concern that your ex’s new partner could harm your child, you have options, and you should take advice quickly.
When a real risk changes things
The court’s paramount consideration in any decision about a child is the child’s welfare. If there is credible evidence that a new partner poses a risk, for example, a history of violence or abuse, the court can and will act, and the usual freedom each parent has during their own time gives way to the child’s safety.
Clare’s Law (the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme)
If you are worried that the new partner may have a history of abuse, you can make a request under Clare’s Law, the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme, which allows the police to tell you whether someone has a relevant record of abusive behaviour. It is a practical first step where your concern is about a partner’s past conduct.
Prohibited steps orders and conditions on a child arrangements order
Where the concern is serious, the court can impose conditions. A prohibited steps order can prevent a specific person from being around your child, and a child arrangements order can include conditions about who may or may not be present during contact. These are not granted lightly and require genuine welfare grounds, not relationship grievances.
If you believe your child is in immediate danger, contact the police or children’s social care without delay.
My ex won’t let me see my child: what about calling the police?
Because this is usually treated as a civil matter rather than a criminal one (unless there is a court order being breached, an immediate risk of harm or a serious safeguarding issue), the police generally won’t involve themselves. The correct route is normally mediation, then an application to court. We cover this fully in a separate guide.
Frequently asked questions
Can my ex legally control who is around my child?
No, not on preference. During your parenting time, you decide who is present. Your ex can only influence this where there is a genuine welfare or safeguarding concern, which the court would then consider with the child’s best interests as the priority.
Can I stop my ex’s new partner from being around my child?
Only where there is a genuine safeguarding or welfare risk. You cannot keep a new partner away simply because you dislike them or the relationship.
Does my ex have to tell me who is looking after our child?
There is no automatic right to a full account of everyone involved, but you are entitled to know your child is safe. Significant childcare arrangements are best shared openly between co-parents, and genuine safeguarding concerns can be raised with the court.
Can my ex stop me seeing my child because of my new partner?
Generally, no. Withholding contact because of a disagreement about a new partner is not usually supported by the court unless there is a welfare reason. If contact is being withheld, take advice on mediation and a child arrangements order rather than acting unilaterally.
What happens if my ex and I cannot agree about a new partner?
Most disputes are resolved through open communication or family mediation. If that fails and there is a genuine welfare issue, either parent can apply to court, which will decide based on what is best for the child rather than either parent’s feelings about the relationship.
Talk to our family law team
Disputes about new partners and who is around your child are stressful and easily escalate. We can help you understand exactly where you stand, calm the situation, and act quickly if there is a genuine concern for your child’s safety. We offer a free 30-minute initial consultation.
Call 0800 321 3832 or request a free call back to talk to an expert family law solicitor.
This article reflects the law in England and Wales (Scotland and Northern Ireland differ) and is written by Nick Wiseman, an experienced family lawyer at Woolley & Co, based in Norwich. It is intended as general information, not legal advice. Woolley & Co, Solicitors is authorised and regulated by the Solicitors Regulation Authority (SRA number 563859) and recognised as a Leading Firm for Family Law by the Legal 500.
