Getting started with mediation is a straightforward process. You can begin mediation at any time in the divorce, including before submitting your application, while your application is being processed by the court, during the 20-week reflection period, or even after your divorce has been finalised to help address any ongoing issues.
How to get started with mediation:
- Step 1: Find a qualified mediator
Look for a Family Mediation Council (FMC) accredited mediator. You can search the FMC directory online or ask your solicitor for recommendations. - Step 2: Book a MIAM
You’ll need to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting or MIAM first. This is a short, individual meeting where the mediator explains the process and assesses if mediation is suitable. - Step 3: Initial contact
Call or email your chosen mediator to discuss your situation. They’ll explain their process, fees and availability. - Step 4: Individual meetings
The mediator will typically meet with each party separately first to understand the issues and ensure both parties want to participate. - Step 5: Joint sessions
If both parties agree, you’ll attend joint mediation sessions together with the mediator facilitating discussions about finances, children, or other issues. - Step 6: Reach an agreement
Work through any disputes with the mediator’s help and draw up a summary of what you have agreed, known as a Memorandum of Understanding - Step 7: Formalise your agreement
The Memorandum of Understanding can then be drafted into a legally binding consent order by your solicitors. - Cost:
Typically £150-£170 per hour per person. You may be able to claim up to £500 in vouchers to pay for mediation costs, via a UK Government scheme. Visit uk for more information.
How do I get my spouse to start mediation?
The first step is to contact a mediator and have an initial conversation to learn more about what the process involves. You can also use this time to book your own individual meeting with the mediator. After that, it’s the mediator’s role to get in touch with your ex-partner and invite them to take part. Mediators are trained to explain the process and help the other person understand it. They may have more success in convincing your spouse to start mediation than you, because they are a neutral party.
What if my spouse refuses to start mediation?
Mediation is a voluntary process, so your ex-partner cannot be forced to take part. However, if they choose not to engage, the mediator can issue a MIAM certificate (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting certificate), which you’ll need if you want to apply to court. This certificate shows that you’ve tried to resolve things through mediation first.
Even if your ex-partner refuses initially, they may change their mind later. Sometimes just receiving the invitation from a mediator helps people feel more open to the idea.
Options if your spouse won’t start mediation
Remote mediation
If you prefer, you may be able to attend mediation sessions remotely via video link or phone call. This is a good option if you and your spouse live far away from one another, or if you don’t feel comfortable being in the same room together.
Shuttle mediation
Shuttle mediation involves the mediator moving between two parties in separate locations (either in different rooms or online) to facilitate communication and negotiation, rather than having the parties meet face-to-face. This method is often used when there is high conflict or emotional tension.
Can you start mediation before you apply for a divorce?
Yes. In fact, starting mediation before you apply for your divorce could actually help speed the process up. Getting complicated issues such as finances and childcare organised before you apply means it is less likely you will encounter problems and delays further down the line. The key to a hassle-free divorce is good communication and this is the basis of mediation.
Mediation is voluntary
Remember, mediation is a voluntary process. This means the other person has the right to refuse to take part if they feel it will not work or are uncomfortable with it.
If mediation does not go ahead, you can still try to reach an agreement through solicitor-led negotiation. However, if you wish to apply to the court to resolve finances or child arrangements, you will usually need to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) first — even if you go alone. This is so the court can see you have considered mediation before beginning legal proceedings.
Start the divorce process
Talk to one of our experienced local divorce experts for guidance. Call us on 0800 321 3832, or complete our easy online form to book a free 30-minute consultation.
Gemma Scourfield
Divorce and family solicitor Haverfordwest
