As UK divorce lawyers we see all ends of the spectrum when it comes to how couples divorce –whether they go through the process easily and in agreement; whether they experience emotional pain and distress or whether they put the gloves on with a determination to battle and fight every step of the way.
From our years of experience of handling divorce cases it seems the couples who manage to stay friends after divorce are those who:
• Don’t argue over the little things – there’s little point arguing over who gets the saucepans or whether it’s fair when your other half never even cooked to use them. Try and come to an agreement and not get too attached to these, after all, inanimate objects
• Put the children and their own health first – arguments create upset and stress, not good for you and certainly not good for the children. Children can benefit enormously from seeing that their parents still get along, it certainly helps remove some of their fears that maybe they are somehow to blame for the relationship breaking down
• Understand their legal rights in relation to the divorce and are prepared to be reasonable when it comes to things like who sees the children when, how possessions are split and so on
• Don’t fight it – if the relationship is over by all means talk to your spouse but don’t necessarily expect to be able to change their mind. Many clients come to us saying that they have received divorce papers but they are clearly not ready to accept that things can’t be repaired. Emotional support from friends, counsellors and therapists can be invaluable at this time
The practicalities of How to get a divorce can seem daunting, but they are certainly less difficult if both parties approach the process with mutual respect, dignity and understanding.
Here’s hoping more couples can stay on speaking terms after their relationship breaks down.