Many couples experience periods where intimacy fades, especially during stressful life events such as having children, health problems, or work pressures. However, when a marriage becomes sexless for a long period of time, it can raise serious questions about the future of the relationship.
If you are in this situation and wondering whether to walk away, you are not alone. This is a common concern, and there is no single “right” answer. What matters most is how the lack of intimacy affects your emotional wellbeing, your connection as a couple, and your long-term happiness.
What is considered a sexless marriage?
There is no strict definition, but many relationship experts describe a sexless marriage as one where intimacy occurs fewer than 10 times a year. More important than frequency, however, is how both partners feel about the situation.
Some couples are content without sexual intimacy and maintain strong emotional bonds. For others, the absence of physical connection can lead to feelings of rejection, loneliness, and resentment.
If only one partner is unhappy with the situation, it can become a significant source of conflict and emotional distress.
When does lack of sex become a bigger relationship problem?
A sexless marriage may be a symptom rather than the cause of deeper problems. You may want to reflect on whether the lack of intimacy is accompanied by:
- Little or no emotional closeness
- Avoidance of difficult conversations
- Persistent arguments or tension
- Feelings of being unwanted or undervalued
- Lack of affection in any form, not just sex
If intimacy has disappeared and communication has broken down, the relationship may already be drifting into emotional separation, even if you are still living together.
Signs it might be time to walk away from a sexless marriage
Only you can decide what is right for your situation, but many people start considering separation when:
1. The issue has been ongoing for a long time
If there has been no intimacy for months or years, and no genuine progress despite attempts to address it, this may indicate that the relationship has fundamentally changed.
2. Your partner refuses to discuss or address the problem
Healthy relationships require communication. If your partner avoids the topic, dismisses your feelings, or refuses counselling or medical advice where appropriate, it becomes difficult to resolve the issue together.
3. You feel more like housemates than partners
When couples live parallel lives with little emotional or physical connection, the marriage may no longer be meeting either partner’s needs as a relationship.
4. The situation Is affecting your mental health and self-esteem
Long-term rejection can lead to anxiety, low self-confidence, and feelings of isolation. If the relationship is harming your wellbeing, it is reasonable to consider whether staying is sustainable.
5. There is no shared vision for the future
If one partner wants to rebuild intimacy and the other is content with the status quo, this mismatch can create long-term unhappiness and frustration.
Should you try to fix things before leaving?
Many couples do manage to rebuild intimacy, particularly when the cause is linked to:
- Stress or exhaustion
- Hormonal or medical issues
- Post-natal changes
- Mental health difficulties
Open conversations, relationship counselling, and medical advice can sometimes help address the root causes.
However, reconciliation only works when both partners are willing to engage honestly and make changes. If you are the only one trying, it may not be realistic to expect lasting improvement.
Is lack of sex grounds for divorce in England and Wales?
In England and Wales, divorce is now based on no-fault divorce, meaning you do not need to prove blame or wrongdoing. You only need to state that the marriage has irretrievably broken down.
A sexless marriage alone is not a legal requirement for divorce, but it can certainly be part of the personal reasons why someone feels the relationship can no longer continue.
If you are married, practical issues such as finances, property, and arrangements for children will still need to be resolved, regardless of the reason for separation.
When to speak to a family law solicitor
Even if you are not certain about separating, early legal advice can be helpful if:
- You want to understand your financial position
- You are unsure how separation would affect your children
- You or your partner have lived or worked abroad (which can affect jurisdiction)
- You want to know what options exist short of full divorce, such as separation agreements
Speaking to a solicitor does not commit you to ending your marriage, but it can give you clarity and reassurance about your choices.
Making the decision that is right for you
Deciding when to walk away from a sexless marriage is deeply personal. Some couples accept changes in intimacy and remain emotionally fulfilled. Others find that physical disconnection reflects a wider loss of partnership and affection.
It may be time to consider moving on if:
- You feel emotionally alone
- Your needs are consistently unmet
- Attempts to resolve the issue have failed
- Staying feels more harmful than leaving
Whatever you decide, you deserve a relationship that supports your wellbeing and allows you to feel valued, respected, and secure.
Need advice about separation or divorce?
If you are considering separation or divorce and would like confidential legal advice about your options, speaking to an experienced family law solicitor can help you plan your next steps with confidence and clarity.
Call Woolley & Co, Solicitors on 0800 321 3832 or complete our short online form to arrange a free 30-minute initial call with an experienced divorce and family law solicitor.
Gemma Scourfield
Divorce and family solicitor Haverfordwest
