It doesn’t matter whether you are a man or a woman; going through a divorce can be extremely stressful. Most people go through a range of emotions during or even before the process has begun. There are ways in which you can help yourself to deal with these stresses and I have set out below five top tips that I feel will benefit men going through divorce. There are also ideas of what men need to consider before they start the whole divorce process:
1. Think carefully before you act
I know it sounds like common sense but a lot of clients don’t really think through the consequences of their actions before carrying them out. For example, the angry client who has ranted and raved for the last thirty minutes to a lawyer and demands they send out an extremely aggressive letter to his wife immediately so that she can see that he will not be putting up with any nonsense from the start. Not a helpful way to start matters, particularly if there are children involved. This will instantly put the wife on the defensive and no doubt a letter will come straight back from her solicitors in like terms and off you go; correspondence flying back and forth with allegations and counter allegations. No negotiations entered into to try and resolve the situation and before you know it court proceedings issued and a Judge having to determine what is best for the children or how the assets should be divided So basically STOP , LISTEN and THINK.
2. Before you even get married try and protect your assets
I know this is far from romantic but a lot of couples now decide to enter into prenuptial agreements prior to getting married. This can be done fairly simply. Both parties will exchange a disclosure of their current financial circumstances and an agreement is reached as to what should happen to any assets held before the marriage and any assets acquired during the marriage. This can hopefully minimise the amount of negotiation or litigation if a marriage should fail.
3. Do not involve the children in the matter
It is probably very easy to want to discuss the situation with the children, particularly if you feel you have been wronged, but you need to remember that they are the innocent party in these matters and that they need to remain children, rather than having adult conversations with you about the situation. Of course you should tell them that there is going to be a change in their circumstances but reassure them that you and your wife are doing everything possible to agree the arrangements and that you will of course always be their Dad.
4. Don’t listen to advice from the ‘fella down the pub’
Do seek proper legal advice about the situation. Unfortunately misinformation is common in divorce proceedings. Each case is individual and you need to be advised solely on your set of circumstances. Seek out a family law specialist who you can get accurate, professional advice from. This will help you to understand your legal rights and the likely outcome of proceedings. That way you can be open to negotiation if a reasonable offer is received and it can of course save you money and emotional stress if the matter can be settled out of court.
5. Try talking to a professional
Consider counselling, it may help. Talking to a trained professional about the changes that are occurring in your life will be a positive step forward. Too often men decide to keep their feelings wrapped up inside them. This is not productive and can lead to all sorts of problems in the future, possible even hinder a new relationship. Your lawyer is not the right person to give you counselling, but they may be able to suggest someone who can help you through this difficult time. A lot of men don’t even consider this option but it can assist them greatly and should be given due consideration.
Whilst not a definitive list of tips to consider hopefully for any men going through divorce it provides some pause for thought.
Divorce and family lawyer