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Family Law Blog

Comment on divorce & family law 

How do you turn divorce into a spring board to success?


Divorce or separation can be a springboard for change and embracing new and exciting opportunities if you let it, and only if you let it. It can just as easily be the high dive to despair. 

Margaret Thatcher, Winston Churchill and The Buddha are just 3 of the many influential orators down the ages who have all said that we become what we think. So, what happens to people beyond their relationship break-up is to a large degree a matter of choice, and certainly one of belief and mind-set. 

There’s no doubt that life after the ink has dried on the agreements will be very different and even unfamiliar at times, however, people get through it. 

So how do those same people go about thriving instead of just surviving? What is it that they do differently? How do they turn what (to anyone who has experienced divorce or separation after a long relationship) is a deeply traumatic life event, into a spring board for new, exciting and expansive opportunity? 

The first thing they understand is that they have choice. They know that, whether the choice is easy or not, how their life looks and develops from here on in is their choice. 

The second thing they all have in common is an attitude of believing. They are bold enough, stubborn enough or just plain cheeky enough to believe that it is OK for them to go out and take action to get what it is they want. And if they recognise that their mind-set is holding them back, they will look for the right people to help them to address that. 

Thirdly, if they don’t have the knowledge, they are prepared to learn and invest in themselves to achieve whatever it is they do want. 

What’s important to note is that the ‘how’ they get there may not necessarily be clear to them – and that’s fine. It is the taking action that matters. Few people will come out of a divorce hell bent on achieving a ‘certain something’ straight away – however I believe that, in time, anyone can, if they want to. 

In order to have not just a different life, (which is a given) but a better, more fulfilling, successful, happier and more contented life beyond a relationship break-up, people need to want to change the way they have done things in the past. To quote Einstein, “The definition of insanity is to continue to do the same thing and expect different results.” Change is not always an easy thing to embrace. Which is why, when I work with my clients, mind-set and attitude forms such a large part of the work we do together. When you have your beliefs, attitude and mind-set in alignment – the mechanics of how to get what you want naturally falls into place. 

Wilma Allan
Beyond the break-up

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